i was standing outside smoking a smoke in front of one of my friends apartments and all i could think of was i missed him. i was staring at the radisson trying to imagine how overpriced the rooms were and how cheap it really looks on the oustide when an old lady walked out of the apartment across the balcony of my friends apartment. she was carrying a cake and her purse and a bag of trash with a kid under her other arm. i just stared at her for a few seconds thinking how long it took her to do her hair. and how much hairspray she had to use. and then about how great it would be to have a kid.

it was snowing and cold and the streets were icy. and i asked her if she wanted me to carry something for her and she didnt so i smiled and told her to have a wonderful day and be careful and she did the same. this was one of my first aknowledged attempts at being a sincerely helpful person to a complete stranger. no one does it anymore without feeling like they must go out of their way. and i hate it. i feel like the idea of being sincerely helpful to someone you dont know has been lost and its a large reason why everyone is in a state of ......well its the feeling you get when are profiling someone.not knowing your doing it. but just the things that go through your head. all the negative thoughts of someone you dont know.

it was such a small gesture that shouldnt have been aknowledged maybe but i did. and i realized how a stranger had never asked to help me.

so just be fucking nice. it helps.